She never was in love either.

I asked my mother, have you ever had a broken heart?

And I asked sincerely. Most women her age have, and often, more than a few.

Her answer did not surprise me. She said yes once;

“When I was younger. ”

what age? I asked.

“14 I think. I lost my virginity to him.”

So what happened?

“Other women, I was jealous.”

I laughed as I said, wow mom, you’re going to die a jealous woman.

She lifted one eyebrow, didn’t say a word, and shrugged her shoulders, as if she didn’t care, and accepted herself as she is.


I wondered, if thats the only time she’s ever been heartbroken that she can recall, how does she know she’s ever been in-love since?

I know she married young out of necessity. Her parents were not very loving, religiously conservative and arguably abusive.

She married to get away.

She’s been married 7,8 times.

I always wondered if her and I had anything in common with her.

The more time I spend with her, I see I do. I don’t know if it’s wise to try to change those things, or better to just accept them and who I am -genetically.

“you’re treating this like a business transaction”

I’ve been told that once or twice. Of course I go through feelings of excitement, passion, gushy love, but it soon steps aside, and then I start thinking critically.

But this piece was suppose to be about her.

She’s very tough love. She doesn’t have many friends, doesn’t mind insulting others if it means she gets to speak her mind. Her entitled freedom, means the most to her. Not getting along.

She sure does yell quite a bit. Easily angered, but seems to get over thing just as easily.

Extremely confrontational.

Entitled; demanding.

Does not let anyone tell her what to do.

Quick to end things if she feels wronged.

But some good things…

Great sense of humor, laughs at everything. Gorgeous most of her life, and even now,

quite beautiful. Whatever office she works at, her co-workers love her, and her presence is missed when she is gone. Other people in her life, wouldn’t believe that. Theres something about the working atmosphere that she enjoys. She is hard working, and a perfectionist.

Lovely voice like her sisters. Her accent is cute also.

Very organized and clean.

(“cleanliness is close to godliness”-ME)

Apparently, also good in bed. Is free and comfortable expressing her desires. Reciprocation also turns her on.

When she feels loved, she loves back and is pretty loyal.


I guess for a woman who has been married so many times, I would have expected her to have felt broken hearted multiple times (as she was the one who left them all), but her response was her 14year old self.


Anyways, I go from “She’s sweet, not too bad.”

especially when we are both laughing

(I get along much better, and laugh at her humor, much more when I smoke)

To, wow, how did I end up with….





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