This is to all the lovely ladies out there who know how to win it.
I am applauding you. I don’t know how much BS you went through,
but gosh darn, you did it.
This is also dedicated to my beloved friend and temporary (in the middle of a break-up) ex-roommate: Sarah (not her real name).
Ok so, lets get started.
My gf Sarah came to an age (28) where she feared she was wasting precious time in the dating world. After breaking up with her ex-bf who she was certain she would marry, she suddenly found herself back on the market, and in a new city.
Why did she break up with him? Well…lets just say he had a minor drug problem? Was he a loser? You decide. Formally educated, and an engineer. Regardless. It was good she ended it. Or maybe he did? But who cares. Good riddens.
So anyways. She was out on “The Hunt.” After trying to meet men organically, with no luck, as I remember how angry she was that every good looking man in town seemed to be either taken or “gay,” she then proceeded to give a go a online dating. YEs. Online dating. It’s what everyone is doing now days.
At first, coming from a more conservative background, she would make the men she went on dates with, wait 2-3 months before being intimate. However, for better or worse, my nosy boyfriend at the time said she was doing it all wrong, and that waiting that long would make most men either loose interest, think she wasn’t interested, and they would probably be sleeping with the other women they were seeing..(OTHER WOMEN?! Thats right folks. No one, at least in the beginning, is monogamous. It just isn’t happening anymore. Certainly, not if you met them online. You are lucky if they are only talking to three others. So brace yourself).
She thought things were going exceptionally well with one gentleman in particular, he was patient about sex, but once they were intimate, I recall her saying it had only happened a couple times. He didn’t seem to have a strong force for it (and mind you, Sarah was most mens type). He also tried to claim she might have a drinking problem because she had a cocktail overtime they went out to eat. Also put down women here and there…making some odd misogynistic bitter comments. She never confronted him directly, but they soon lost touch. After having met some of his gay friends, she wrote him off as gay too.
After kissing a few more toads, and perhaps taking my ex bfs suggestion of being intimate a little sooner, she finally found her keeper. The second night they met was over my house and a little gathering I was throwing on the roof of our condo building. Perfect romantic setting! Fireplace and all.
Everything seemed to be going wildly smooth between the two of them until one day, when they had made plans, he suddenly stopped answer her texts and calls (though she had only sent a few). Finally when he did, he politely let her know he was too busy and had to cancel, that a sudden emergency had come up. I saw the tears float softly down her pink cheeks as she calmly said “ok, ok no problem; ok talk to you later, hope your day gets better.” I sat in disbelief. How in the hell could this woman be so kind and understanding to an idiot who just ruined her weekend plans, with really, no explanation, and worse of all, very very last minute. I was literally BLOWN away.
She took a deep breath in, whipped her tears away, and asked if I had any plans, and if maybe we could make it a girls night? I don’t know what my plans were, but I couldn’t resist, of course I had to say yes. I pitied and envied her at the same time.
And we did just that. We drank, we laughed, danced, took pictures, got hit on, and carried on with our night without a care in the world.
I learned a valuable lesson that day that I never did apply. Stubbornly, I always call men out on their bullshit, I don’t stop myself. And I don’t even feel bad when its over. Ok. Sometimes I feel bad, but I find ways to justify it to myself, and make myself feel proud. But the truth is, I think you have to let some things go. Thats just the bottom line. You can’t argue about everything. You can’t call someone out on everything. And until they are yours yours, they are free birds. And they don’t like to feel otherwise, until they have made that commitment to you.
Do they end up together? Love ever after?
Well.. I can save that story for next time. Yes, I can at least tell you he did become her exclusive boyfriend.